February is around the corner, and in part 1 of the All-or-Nothing mindset, we looked at the cost and some possible sources of this mindset. As promised, here is part 2, where we look at 7 ways to stop self-sabotaging our progress and success.
A gentle disclaimer: My musings, tips, and concepts are based on personal experience, research, observation, and working with clients. We're all different - which is a good thing, and what works for one may not work for another.
You're the expert in your life, so feel free to take what resonates and leave the rest. Now, let's get to today's installment with practical examples.
Based on your vision and values, consider reevaluating what success means to you. Life is dynamic, and we outgrow things. Sometimes, we try to maintain a former version of success that no longer aligns with who we are today. Or we try to live up to other people's expectations.
Example: Instead of saying, "Success means climbing the corporate ladder as fast as possible," Maybe you could reframe that to, "At this time, success for me is building a thriving career in harmony with my health, relationships, and personal growth."
Commit to micro-action steps that will gradually allow your brain and nervous system to adapt to the new normal. Gently expanding your capacity allows room for long-term growth. It's like adding reps at the gym. My pastor likes to say, "Mustard seed faith is a good thing." I'll add taking kaizen steps is akin to David practicing with the lion and the bear before taking on Goliath...
Example: Instead of trying to journal for 30 minutes, start with 5 minutes, or write 10 lines and see how that feels. That's what I'm doing with my morning walk. Instead of daily, I've downgraded to 3 times a week with an option to be flexible when it's too cold in the morning. Then I start with a cold shower (only) Then I decide if it will be a morning or evening walk.
Validate your efforts. Instead of trying to measure up to the expected end results, acknowledge ALL your imperfect progress. Celebrate ALL your wins along the way, and avoid comparing yourself to other people. We're all at different places in life, and that's OK.
Example: 5 minutes of prayer and mindfulness is progress, even if your ideal end goal is 30 minutes.
It is my conviction that who we become is more important than what we achieve. Embrace the new good habits as personal development because who you're becoming will serve you long-term beyond the immediate, specific thing you're looking to achieve.
Example: Instead of saying, "I should write 10,000 words every day", consider saying, "I'm a writer, and I'm developing a habit of writing regularly.
Track your new kaizen habits to build gradual consistency, but be gentle with yourself when the occasional interruption occurs. Rewarding the momentum also helps your brain associate the new habits with feel-good hormones. Remember, in part 1, we talked about how the brain sees change as a danger to be avoided.
Example: Use habit trackers to measure progress over time while allowing for skipped days without shame. They say it takes 63 days to build a habit, but personally, I feel if I miss a day, instead of going back to square it's Ok to pick right back where I left off. But you do what seems right for you.
Many ambitious, productive people can be unnecessarily hard on themselves. I have to be mindful of the so-called "tough love" because that doesn't work for me these days. Replace harsh criticism with compassionate encouragement. Gently but firmly tell the inner bully to stand down, then introduce them to the inner supportive coach.
Example: Instead of the inner dialogue being "I failed to meet my goal, that means I'm a loser." Consider reframing to "I'm growing, and it's Ok to be a work-in-progress; what did I learn from the failure?
It's OK to communicate to/with people when expectations feel unrealistic. Set boundaries based on your capacity and embrace flexibility with your own expectations. When things don't go as planned, accept that setbacks and obstacles are part of making progress in life.
Example: If you receive a lot of work emails, aim to respond based on importance throughout the week instead of rigidly committing to going through everything in a single day, even when you have back-to-back meetings.
We can approach positive change and progress with ease, patience, and inspiration by releasing the all-or-nothing fixed mindset and replacing it with a gradual growth mindset.
This shift supports personal development, work-life harmony, and healthy high performance.
As always, I invite you to share your tips and thoughts below. I enjoy reading and learning from my readers.